Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Why Saying Goodbye to a Tough Year is Tougher Than One Might Think

Society says 21? You're an adult. We tend to hold to the notion that being an adult means doing everything on your own. It's another one of those turning points that we tell ourselves we have finally arrived or once this or that happens, then suddenly everything is going to fall into place. What I've come to realize is that being adult is much more that that, in fact it's not that at all. Instead it's the ability to raise that white flag and admit that you can't do everything on your own nor do you want to. It's the decision to put away selfish desires and your pride, agreeing to do things God's way. The true sign of maturity is when a person relies on God to help meet his or her needs in whatever way He sees fit. And for the first time in my life I'm starting to feel like I'm an adult. So today is my last day being 21 and I have to say I'm kinda sad about that. 2015 has been one for the books, in a good way :) It held so many changes. No matter what those changes were or how hard they might've been at the time, God used them to transform me. I'm a work in progress. I'm still not where I want to be, I continue to strive for perfection until the day Christ makes me so. But in the meantime, it's been neat to see God at work in my life in the then, here and now. He may be changing me little by little but it sure has felt like a night and day difference to me. He has answered so many prayers this year that I have been waiting for an answer to for the longest time. He has provided me with hope every single moment of 2015. That being said, it doesn't matter what season you're in right now whether it's a dry season where you feel distant from God and you're waiting for Him to move or it's a rainy season where you hear God's voice loud and clear and you see Him at work, God pours blessing upon blessing on us every single day. He never holds back. Rely on your faith to see the blessings (our faith shall be our sight) when your heart or head might not be able to feel or find them. Have the discipline to wait patiently for the fulfillment of that hope. As I found out in 2015, the waiting is not in vain, it's beyond worth it. This year I finally gave power to the following words: "God is more than enough"

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him"

He satisfied my soul and exceeded my expectations so much so that I had to joy in the most difficult of times. Because of Him, I can say that I am honestly content with where I am today and who I am. Maybe I'm weird, but the most challenging times in my life have always been my favorite times when I look back because I can see my faith being refined, my relationship with my Father being strengthened. This year, I let go completely and God showed up in big ways. So that's why it's so tough to say goodbye to a tough year. Because when I felt weak, God was so strong within me and that was enough to completely turn my situation, my perspective of my situation and my year around. No matter what the new year may bring or not bring, I know God will remain faithful to His promises for me and give me exactly what I need to continue on growing more like Him. He will give me grace as I learn these new things. I'm so thankful for this past year of growing because in the wise words of Andy Mineo, "How do you plan on getting swole if you don't ever get sore?" And I'm excited to celebrate a new year of life with more lessons to come. It is well with my soul ☺️


Monday, October 26, 2015

Pit Stop

To the Dreamers:

The story in totality is from: Genesis 37,39-47

A lot of times we think that God is holding back the greatest and most precious from us when really, He is saving the very best He has for us. We just don't have the eyes to see it, how the plan we have for our life pails in comparison to that of God's plan for our life. I have experienced this feeling quite a bit in my short 21 years. Just like Joseph, from time to time I feel I have been stripped of my coat of many colors and thrown into a pit left wandering where to go from there. In those moments, it felt like God was asking me to throw away my dreams but now I understand He has been redirecting my attention; He is making room for bigger ones. Dreams that I could never ever dream up for or by myself; dreams that were not even on the horizon for me initially. To pursue the dreams that God has for me, I have had to let some dreams pass me by or let go of some that were not exactly in the will of God. Now I can't tell you why things happen a certain way, why some dreams don't come true. Sometimes we find out, sometimes we don't. I've always had a dream to play college soccer and I got so close to that dream. I got recruited, I committed to play for Asbury and I played in the first two pre-season games my freshman year until I got seriously injured. The serious head injury and slow recovery led me to the decision to only play for fun and not at the collegiate level. I am not quite sure why things turned out the way they did. Needless to say, it was painful to give up that dream. I've had plans to pursue various careers, plans to spend my life with certain people, plans to maintain certain friendships but God has had a funny way of showing me that what I envision, expect and what I WANT is not always in the books for me. Rather He gives me what He knows I need. And if I look back in certain time periods of my life, I can attest to that being true. Things I never knew I needed or wanted back then, God literally laid into my lap and those have been the things that I am most thankful for. Now don't get me wrong we have a say in things. I mean come on, free will. But God allows us to have passions and dreams, He simply helps us reach them in the way that will most glorify Him. Whereas if we go in alone, we will distort His image. Despite the noblest intentions, our sinful nature sometimes does the talking. What I've come to find out (the hard way) recently is that my heart can be deceitful and does not always know what is best. Thank goodness God runs the show and not me. We do not have to let go of our dreams but we have to let go of the expectations that correspond to them. The how, when, where and why is not something that we can decide.The sooner we find this out, the better.

Yes, it hurts to let go of control of our dreams not knowing what they will become. But it hurts more to hold onto dreams that are absent of God. When dreams that have not been blessed or ordained by God come true, two things can happen. One: the dream consumes us entirely turning our attention away from God to selfish desires. Two: while the chase was fun, when the dream comes to fruition, it feels empty and wasted. The point is, it is okay to not know or understand what our dreams are. It's okay not to know what will become of the ones we do have. I don't know! I don't know where I'll be after I graduate. I have a dream job but I don't know what job I'll end up taking. I don't know who I'll be with or be without in the next phase of my life. The tendency to talk about the unknowns stresses people out. Let me tell you, not knowing the details should not be a stressor. The focus should not be on the how of the future, the focus should be on the who of the future. Who holds it? The God that holds your future, knows your future and planned your future.So when I can't see what God is doing as I contemplate on what lies ahead, I remember who goes ahead of me. I know He's taking me where I was meant to go even if it's not the way I would've chosen for myself to get there. I see this moral so clearly through one of my favorite Old Testament stories, the story of Joseph. Through the account of Joseph, I am reminded that God thoughts and ways are always higher than ours at all times even when we can't understand them. Since His ways are higher than ours, His dreams and plans to use us, are of no exception to that. We can trust God with our dreams. We can trust God to look out for us and to help us find new ones that are rooted in Him.We can trust God to help us make it to the end goal. You see, the life of Joseph is more applicable to me than I ever realized. It's not that I feel like I'm in the pit in the sense that I'm down in the dumps right now. Certainly not. I don't feel abandoned nor do I feel trapped (although there have been many times I have felt like that in life). It's the idea that I'm realizing I'm blind to what's ahead and that's perfectly fine. I'm blind sighted because I have envisioned what my future will look like and it hasn't occurred in the manner that I foresaw. I'm certain that Joseph had his whole life ahead of him mapped out too. Just look how Joseph grew up. He was the son of Jacob and most favorite one at that. This being the case, he received the royal treatment. You will probably know the evidence of this favoritism if you remember the story of Joseph and coat of many colors from your Sunday School days. Not only did Joseph have an expensive garment that set him apart from the rest of his brothers, but Joseph also had legendary dreams. He had dreams of his brothers and many others bowing down to him on multiple occasions. Joseph shared his dreams with his brothers which to me, may not have been the wisest decision...I mean to me that sounds like gloating. Sharing Joseph's God-given dreams, made jealously swell up in the hearts Joseph's brothers. Having had enough, Joseph's brothers stripped him of his coat and threw him into a pit. 

And here's where I see myself. Joseph is all of a sudden unable to see how his dreams will come true. He was on the path, everything was looking good. Things were falling into place and then BAM! CURVE BALL. Now Joseph is clueless. He's in a pit, not what he had in mind. Joseph is in a state of pure helplessness in which he cannot do anything to get out of the situation. He is completely dependent, at the mercy of God. While it might have felt like eternity that Joseph was there, in the scheme of things it was merely a pit stop (pun definitely intended) in Joseph's life that God used to refocus Joseph and prepare him for how God would have him live out his dream. We see that God allows the pits in our lives to help position us to reach our purposes in life. You remember Joseph's dream that foreshadowed his brothers and many others bowing down to him? God proves to be faithful to that dream. But through the pit, God makes the point that Joseph's dream will occur in the manner that God desires it to. God uses the pit to help Joseph reach the dream's destination. God does this with dreams still today. He exemplifies His own power through extreme conditions paired with ordinary people. I'll keep it short but still continue with the rest of Joseph's story. After Joseph is thrown into the pit by his brothers, he is sold into slavery in Egypt. Joseph works for a wealthy man named Potiphar, an Egyptian officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the bodyguard. His hard work elevates him to hold a powerful position for Potiphar. Potiphar made him overseer of his house and belongings. Potiphar's wife had taken a liking to Joseph and when Joseph turned her down, she framed him. Joseph was thrown into prison. But here comes the providence of God. Because Joseph worked for Potiphar, he was put into prison where all of the Pharaoh's personal prisoners were. It was in prison that Joseph foretold the meaning of the dreams of the Pharaoh's cupbearer and chief baker. Just as Joseph had foretold by the dream, the cupbearer's life was spared and he was reassigned to his job. While Joseph remained in prison, Pharaoh had a dream one night. Pharaoh consulted many people to decipher the meaning of his dream but no one could. Then the cupbearer mentioned his encounter with Joseph. Joseph was brought before Pharaoh and he interpreted the dream. Egypt would have 7 years of plenty then 7 years of famine. The Pharaoh believed Joseph and dubbed him 2nd in command. It is from this position of royalty that Joseph would reconvene with his brothers. Israel was suffering during the famine because they did not see it coming like Egypt. Thus, Joseph's brothers came to Egypt to get some food because they were starving. 

Family Reunion!! Little did they know they were bowing to their little brother Joseph, second in command of Egypt. Because of Joseph's position, he was able to help save the lives of his family and ultimately the nation of Israel. So see? It's all in the details. God orchestrates all of them when it comes to our dreams. It's all planned out. It might not look how we would want it to during the journey there and we might not ever know or understand what's happening during certain periods. But when we can't understand, let our faith be our sight. God is faithful to see our dreams through but we have to hand over our directional expectations if we want amazement. When we are in the pit and we don't know what's going to be next, we can look at God's faithfulness to us in our past to help us not worry about our future. He has always provided and always came through and He always will. That's enough assurance to keep persevering and working towards that dream today without fear of what tomorrow might hold. BELIEVE that God manifests Himself so clearly to the dreamers who invite Him to make something of feeble dreams, who have faith, who have the courage to entrust to Him the details, who keep their eyes on the prize even when they find themselves in a pit. Let your dreams be a sign of your faith so DREAM BIG.


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

His Hope

"Hope is the patient and trustful willingness to live without closure, without resolution, and still be content and even happy because our satisfaction is now at another level, and our source is beyond ourselves."

Hope. It's a powerful thing. It's powerful because it comes from an unfathomably powerful source. Hope is how the omnipotent God chooses to reveal and involve His extraordinary self in the most ordinary, every day affairs of humanity. Why? Because it's who God is and it is His gift to us. Back in the garden of Eden, hope wasn't necessary. Adam and Eve did not have to wish for anything else because walking with God was beyond satisfying. Sin had not deceived them. The goodness of God and His perfection was so undeniably visible at all times; it was enough. Hope of something better was never something that had to be searched for or prayed for because there were no doubts or disbelief in the beginning. Adam and Eve walked with God, they conversed with Him freely. There were no communication barriers. They talked with Him directly and therefore knew His will and plan undoubtedly. There was no sin to disguise God's voice; no sin to distort the relationship between the Creator and His creation. All was perfect. Then came a distraction. (the serpent) Obviously when the serpent introduced a fabricated idea that offered Adam and Eve something better than the best thing they had ever known, they pridefully decided to go against all God had showed and taught them in order to acquire more knowledge and vision than was afforded to them. Upon trusting in someone or something other than God, they were deceived into thinking that God was withholding the best from them. They began to have a skewed perspective of God's character due to this temptation. What they bought into was a lie, a lie that would forever have implications for the rest of humanity on the dynamics of walking closely with God. Despite what transcribed in the garden, we repeatedly make the same mistake. Pride. Thinking we can do it own our own. Seeing ourselves as above or more important than God. Pride is a major distraction that can and will lead to destruction. Thinking that the gifts He blesses us with are entitled, well deserved or a result of anything to do with ourselves, that's pride. The entrance of sin into the world brought with it a broken relationship between God and man. Discerning God's voice amidst the many others that fight for attention became a battle. Now we are consumed by the distractions that we brought into the world and we choose to replace God with them.The perception of God's goodness and His best for us got lost in our sins.So now we may constantly feel like God is holding back from us, like we don't have everything we need in the moment to be happy or that change cannot possibly come. We feel this way because sin has blinded us and separated us from the TRUTH. Mankind's choice to sin came with a price. Death, betrayal, greed and pain became a reality. All results of sin. But along with it was birthed the concept of hope.

Hope. In today's world, hope is defined as "a feeling of expectation for a certain thing to occur". Hope today is fleeting and dependent on our circumstances. Hope today, is something that we wish for but do not expect to turn out as we so desire. Nowadays it looks like an obsessive longing, irrational or misplaced confidence and wavering optimism. Hope, which was brought into being by God, is more than just a feeling, it's fixed..... a.k.a it's a promise. It is not momentary but steadfast because it is rooted in faith of God and the gift of His Son to redeem the vertical relationship. 

Hope. Something so concrete/unshakeable that happens and will continue to happen when God is our focus and not our last resort. It's a tool used to restore and strengthen misguided faith. It's more than a positive mindset, it's living with expectation that God spoke and He is going to deliver the unimaginable in His time. 

"By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"
 - Romans 5:1-5

God holds nothing back. He is quick to remind us of the love that He lavishes upon us in the here and now and He quick to remind us of what is to come as He promises. He uses hope to continually woo us back into relationship with Him when we have wandered astray or pushed Him away. Fragments of His perfection are found glistening in the brokenness of our self-induced catastrophes. Hope takes our eyes off the distractors of this world that so frequently take ahold of our lives (worry, money, relationships, etc.) yet somehow leave us emptier than we started, and instead places the attention on the One who has overcome all that we will ever have to face. God uses hope to regain our trust though He has done nothing to lose it. Hope speaks to who God is amidst our problems and showcases His power over them. It brings a surge of peace and fulfillment to circumstances that would other wise bring confusion and chaos when they are dwelled on. God meets us right where we are that we may discover Him in all times and all circumstances of our life. His hope is evident every moment of every day. God's word is embedded with loads of promises and accounts of His faithfulness. 

"Do not let yourselves get tired of doing good. If we do not give up, we will get what is coming to us at the right time."

Galatians 6:9

His very creation screams of hope and new life. I mean each sunrise declares a brand new day! All of creation. How beautiful! And big or small things, they are there for us simply to delight in. Maybe hope is found when a particular song is heard at just the right moment. Maybe there's a sermon or a conversation with a friend and what seemed like a random topic or issue is brought up that you've been praying about and needs addressed in your life. Maybe a stranger asks if they can pray for you. Maybe someone apologizes for how they've hurt you. Maybe it's one smile that gets someone through their day. Coincidences? Maybe there's no maybes about it :) What I've been learning is that God loves to use us for His glory! He uses our pasts to provide hope for others. God knows not only the desires of our hearts but our needs. He knows what we long for and we know that God is faithful to deliver what we need. But when do we take the time to allow Him to do just that? When do we quiet the distractions and give God our complete attention? When do we give Him the chance to fill the voids? Truthfully I were to answer for myself, I would say that I seldom do that. It's hard to set aside time and quiet down the loud noise of a busy life. We pass the time other ways (mainly worrying). We fill the voids with earthly pleasures that never satisfy. We wonder why we aren't happy, why we can't see the bright side of things. When our eyes are on our problems instead of what our God can do with them, hope cannot be found. Thankfully God is love. His love is so vast for us and His love has so many dimensions that it takes on every form we will ever need in order to be sustained. Out of His love comes true forgiveness and out of that forgiveness, hope. He offers it freely, like everything else. Hope turns us from our distractions back to our decision to trust God in all situations. And the best part? Like I said before, God's hope is a promise. (The whole Bible is an account of promise after promise of the hope that a divine being fosters as a result of His fallen creation's imperfection) It's something that the world can't take from us because it's guaranteed to those who believe, it is going to be available always. 

It's not something that we are just sitting around wishing for. We won't waste our whole lives away waiting for God's hope because it has already been given. In every single moment of your life there is hope. Hope is God's cry to have your heart at all times. He's beckoning you, begging you to seek Him in the good and in the bad. Will you take the time to quiet the distractions? Make the decision to confide in God? Will you mindfully pray to see and experience God's hope in your life? Well you should because hope is power from God and the neatest thing is God's power is available to us to us too. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Power to persevere, to face our tribulations and power to boast in our weaknesses. Because when we are weak, He is strong. 

"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
2 Corinthians 12:9 

What has hoped looked like for me recently?

Two weeks ago was the last first week of classes for me as this is my senior year of college. Because of deciding on my major late and then deciding to double major, I have been playing catch up to graduate on time. I just came back from taking four summer courses and now I am heading into my fall semester with 19 credit hours to be accompanied with over 120 hours of teaching. That is intimidating. Anyways, I have been praying ever since I found out about how this last year would look that God will get me through this. After the first few days of classes, all the talk of the class requirements was enough to begin to overwhelm me. Like always I began to question myself and ultimately God. I was asking, "Can I really do this?" I was taking a walk with a friend outside my dorm a few hours later. We were talking and somehow rainbows got brought up in the conversations. I mentioned that I had not seen a rainbow in a really long time. This is bothersome to me because I love rainbows as I know them as a sign, a promise of God's faithfulness. (hope) And I used to see them at just the right times. I would be wrestling with something and then I'd see a rainbow. Something that was so reassuring to me, it gave me hope to just put my anxieties in God's hands. But I hadn't seen one in forever. And I mean it rained all summer back home and I didn't see one sticking rainbow!! Thankfully there are other ways that God gives me hope but that one is one of my favorites. Anyways, a few minutes after saying that I hadn't seen one in a really long time, it began to rain for a few minutes. Then it stopped abruptly. Right above my dorm where I just had came back from classes and started worrying without cause, was a riveting rainbow plastered in the sky. God sure showed me :) Here's the rainbow...God's timing is perfect and so is His hope. He gives us just enough strength to live for today and then some :0)







Friday, August 14, 2015

Growing Pains

I want to share what God has been doing in my life recently. He has really been working on my heart in visible and much needed ways this summer. Anyways, I was going to write a Facebook status to do this but I found I cannot be that concise. (actually, this isn’t new information) I am a very detailed person who loves to elaborate rather carelessly. Plus, I could honestly talk endlessly about Jesus and the ways in which I have seen Himself manifest in the most ordinary of things even people like me. So if you are at all interested about what God has been revealing to me so far this year through the roller coaster of events and emotions I’ve experienced recently, all of that will be disclosed in this blog post. Warning it’s real lengthy and I’m not exaggerating. Maybe next time I’ll just write a book or something haha. Enjoy!

*Before I get anywhere remotely close to sharing with you some God given truths that I rediscovered this summer (that had been too long overlooked), I will have to tell a story. This narrative will illustrate perfectly how I discovered God’s purpose for the Summer of 2015 for me. The few months before summer break was a time period for me in which I really struggled. I was searching for fulfillment and identity in the wrong places and thus the feeling of being lost got the best of me. During that time, I wasn’t quite able to see a purpose to my pain because I was so close that I wasn’t able to get the right perspective. I wasn’t able to see myself and my situation through’s God’s lens. So what I’m about to share, is something that I’ve only been able to understand while looking back. They say hindsight is 20/20, right? As I will come to find out, God gives us the option to always see ourselves through His eyes if we will only choose to.* 

Here’s the introductory story:

 It was my freshman year of high school. I had worked hard all summer long, tried out and made the high school’s varsity soccer team. What I did not know was that I would seldom get to play that season due to a mysterious emergence of an encumbering health issue. I began to have excruciating pains in my ribs that would not go away when I did any sort of exercise. Still to this day, I cannot put into words what the pain felt like. I’ve had side cramps before but this, this was different. These pains were jarring and relentless. I spent the majority of that soccer season visiting doctors of all kinds and sport medicine specialists. I had all sorts of scans and tests run on me. One physical therapist thought it would be wise to scrape the area that was causing me pain, maybe loosening some tissue or irritated spots. So a few times, I laid on my back and held on to a the examine table for dear life as a sharp plastic tool grated against my ribs. Needless to say, that did not prove to be successful in diminishing my pain. And I have to say I was a little glad about that. My parents and I prayed fervently for God to heal me. We were depending on human hands and it seemed hopeless. My parents and I thought we had run out of ideas and exhausted all options when a family friend suggested that I try cortizone. Willingly I agreed to give it a shot. (No pun intended) So I went in not knowing what to expect. The anesthesiologist injected the cortisol shot into different spots in my abdomen and ribs at different angles. It was a bit uncomfortable. But let me tell you what happened a few hours later that day…..Just a few hours later, I returned to school and then I played in a game for the first time in a long time having no pain whatsoever. After that game, I continued to play pain free. I didn’t even have to get anymore cortisol injections, I felt healthy. Boy was I thankful. The school year went by quickly and before I knew it, sophomore year was right around the corner. I played sophomore year with nothing to hold me back. Then the summer before my junior year of high-school, the rib pains came back. This time they were way worse. I did not have to be exercising to get them. I could get them sitting down while watching a movie or I could get them walking around the mall with friends. I tried so hard to work through them. Each day I would go outside and try to run a little or do some soccer drills but my body was in agony. The days drew closer to tryouts and I had not worked out at all during the summer. I did not attend the open gyms or summer training sessions. Things weren’t looking good. I had my whole family and my boyfriend at the time all praying for me without ceasing. They prayed for healing but they also prayed for me to be able to make a decision and to be okay with that decision as tryouts were in a few days. I prayed wholeheartedly to be healed. I’ve only prayed that hard a few other times in my life. However after I prayed, I did not have peace either way. I called my coach and let him know the predicament I was in and that I would not be able to play that coming season. He respected my decision but was adamant in telling me that he still wanted me to be apart of the team in any way I could. He let me know that he wanted me out at the fields if for nothing else, to hang out with my team. Shoot I was even prepared to train myself to try and play goalie if need be. (It should be pretty evident by now how much I love soccer) Then a miracle happened. The day of tryouts I went out to the fields to support the team. Of course, the optimist in me brought my soccer cleats and shin guards along. I started passing with a few teammates as people arrived. No pain. Before anyone knew it, I weaseled my way into everything. I was out and about, moving around. I was warming up with the team; I was running and I didn’t stop. I gradually made my way into trying out for the team that day and then the following two days. It was like I was good as new and never had that menacing health issue. I’ve never had issues like that since. Hooray :)


All of that to say, I still don’t know what was going on with my body back then. The condition wasn’t ever given a name. My theory is that I was experiencing growing pains, well an extreme case of growing pains. No person or medication was able to take away my pain. All anyone could do was alleviate it for a bit. God was responsible for sustaining me. I had turned to others for help all the while using God as a last resort. Man that pains me to write that. But if I’m being honest, I do that all the time and I did that not too long ago. ( A few months ago to be exact) I rejected God and burdened the people in my life instead. I had high expectations for them to help solve or diminish the void I was suppressing. So then naturally, I was beyond devastated when they fell short or disappointed me. It was not in any way their fault or responsibility. More and more I came to find that I wasn’t any happier or more confident in my identity. Just like I experienced those growing pains the first time, I was experiencing growing pains once again. This time they weren’t physical as so much spiritual and emotional. Just like a person who is experiencing growing pains in a physical sense, I too was aching or yearning for relief. I wanted to be healed but I was too proud to go to the only one who could heal me and speak life into the lies that I had begun to believe. These growing pains started towards the beginning of this year and lasted a solid few months leading up to this summer. 

Summer 2015. It's what I've been calling my "stretch summer". It's been a period of growth which God has used to reteach me lessons in a new and uncomfortable way. It has been a lot different kind of living. But don’t get me wrong, it has been a good different. I am so full. 
And that right there is what my Summer 2015 has been about, it has been about growing. While the growth has elicited pain that seemed unbearable at the time, it was necessary to show God’s power to redeem and to strengthen my wavering faith in God. Those growing pains though, were to get my attention for me to see that God wanted to rebuild me into a better version of myself, one that hopefully resembles Christ better than I was. One of the lessons I have been constantly reminded of is that 

  1. While I make mistakes, I am not my mistakes. The guilt that I have felt over these past few months due to how I have treated the people who mean so much to me and how some people have treated me in the aftermath of poor decisions, coupled with how hard I am on myself, has been crippling. Yet God has shown me what others see as defining me, Christ takes and uses to refine me. I am not my mistakes. I am always desirable to God, weaknesses and all because I am fearfully and wonderfully made to be like Him. (Psalm 139:14) What we see about ourselves is most times contrary to what God sees of us. I have a tendency to dwell on what isn’t right. Focusing on the negatives about myself this past semester, made it so I couldn’t see the good attributes and gifts that I have that resemble the Most High. “God knows what He has placed in all of us and He gets glory and honor when we see and acknowledge ourselves as He sees us.” Don’t believes the world’s lies, your worth and identity are unique and God designed. Only you can mirror and offer the world the glimpses of God’s characteristics the way you do. 2 Corinthians 10:5-6 “The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.” Don’t fall into the trap of compromising who you were created to be for who the world wants you to be because then that’s when you lose yourself. He is faithful to my unfaithful and fleeing heart. It is my call as a Christian to be faithful to Him. Yes, I'm not perfect (not even close) but thankfully when I make mistakes, this is the time when I am most consumed with the truth that I am loved perfectly. This is something I long for and so to have it when I am literally at my worst, the lowest of lows just blows my mind. I am so undeserving of perfect love but that’s what I’m given. My brokenness allows me to be filled again and reminded that God is the only one that makes me whole. I'm not who I was. I’m not what I did. I am made new each and every day because of Christ's sacrifice. This being said, I should not hold on to shame but embrace the gift to start anew. I should also strive to look at everyone else that way which still seems like the hardest thing. It is my call as a follower of Christ to recognize what is wrong inside of me and to work to improve myself everyday in hopes to become a closer imitation of my Lord. This summer I’ve come to terms with my past wrongdoings. It was so difficult for me to let go of the shame but I know that feeling of guilt was not where I was meant to stay. That guilt is a tool to power me to action. So this summer has been about letting God take what He wants to tweak in me and allowing Him to transform those areas. Because if I am not constantly trying to better myself, then I am not living for God. Colossians 1:10 says, “Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.” He doesn't expect us to attain perfection but to aim for it in order to reflect Him as best as possible. So, I should constantly be changing for the good. Am I improving? Treating others better? That’s the mark of a true follower, spiritual maturity. Ephesians 4:12-16 says, “Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ.This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.” I have a lot that needs fixing. I must recognize the areas within myself that are dishonoring to Him and be faithful in working to alter those. What has stopped me from doing that in the past is fear. 
  2. Fear is controlling, it beckons us to stay put and to not explore all God has in store for us. Fear wants us to remain comfortable. In essence, fear puts all focus on us and less on what God can do. Fear centralizes on having us think we must do whatever is necessary for us to stay inside our comfort zone and feel secure. But this world is not for one second about our comfort. God does the impossible everyday and wants to do the same through us. Sadly, we settle to be comfortable and when we are comfortable there is no growth. The truth is, we are destined to overcome fear, God's all consuming love for us casts it out. 1 John 4:18, “ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” His love fuels faith and when our faith has been fueled, fear is eradicated; it has no place. When fear reigns in our lives, it holds us back from experiencing the power of God in our lives. If at any time I find myself comfortable with who I am, I'm not living within the will of God because comfort is a product of fear and fear does not allow for full faith and dependence on Him. I have lived my life in such fear recently. My fear ever so abruptly took my eyes of God during last semester. Because I was not going to God with my insecurities and fears, my fears just grew bigger and blinded me from seeing the truth about my identity. Not knowing who I was in Christ, made me feel lost. I didn’t have the right perspective to see myself or others through God’s eyes and that made me a very worried individual. I slowly began to lose sight of myself. Now I look back during that spring semester and question myself. I was the worst possible version of myself that I could’ve been. I don’t even know that person. All because I was consumed with fear and I was not feeding my faith so I could not counter it alone. Since that dark period, a lot has changed. This summer I have looked to God to push me outside my comfort zone and I’ve depended on Him to carry me through the fear that once had a grip on my life. The thing is, I am adventurous about a lot of things, but there are a few areas of my life that I like to stay in my comfort zone about. It has taken a lot out of me to venture out of those areas but this summer God has showed me the power that trust has over fear. And His power will exceed your expectations.When you give Him your fears, He will take them and turn them into adventures of fulfillment.
  3. A life succumbed to fear is not living at all. Fear and faith cannot coexist. I've learned that although change is hard, God uses it and shines through it. So this summer, I've gotten to do just that, I've let go of the reins. I let Him change me and restore me in order that He may be glorified in some way through me. I've gotten to rediscover my identity in Christ and to live in the confidence of how I've been created and with the purpose I've been created. I've also had the chance to look back and see how far I've come because of God's saving work in my life. There's been HUGE growth in the last several months and I'm not done yet. Not even close. Growing may be gradual at the time and hard to see but change is will always become evident and useful. Looking back on where I was at the start of this year, has made me beyond appreciative for how far God has sustained and transformed me. “Sometimes it takes looking back on the situation before we see how our faith has grown during trials and doubts. Knowing that God wants to use our difficulties to strengthen our faith can help us to trust His good heart for us.” Godly growth is the best! 

If you stuck with it and made it through this one, I hope that it was able to bless you or help you in some way. I am sure there will be more posts to come from me. Thanks for reading :)


Dani